Pot
by RoseWithThorns1
Summary: Election for Harry. Interesting Campaign Slogan. R for language and drug referrences. Heavy drug references. Not my usual stuff, but I'm feeling funny. R/R


Disclaimer: Lord knows the characters aint mine, and I think Rowling would be ashamed of me and shaking her head if she knew I wrote this about her books. lol.  
  
A/N: I don't do pot, so don't ask. I made the mistake of watching Go and Trainspotting back to back. Normally I opt for angsty/smutty/romance, but I was feeling funny. Enjoy. Flame. Review. I'm not high- just high on life. I think.  
  
Pot.   
  
The chanting was loud, rude, and obnoxious. McGonagall slammed both hands over her ears, but it was the damned woman's fault to begin with. If she'd only kept her mouth shut about letting the 6th years vote for Head Boy and Head Girl.  
  
The campaigns were vicious, down right cunning and ruthless and a mockery of democracy at its worse. It started with Dumbledore's power of suggestion and McGonagall's announcement. And wee Colin Creevey with the rest of the Harry Potter Fan Club....and of course, Harry.  
  
"As Head Girl, I propose a reinstallment of the Society for Protection of Elfish Welfare, as well as the right of all students to all books in the Library!" Hermione jovially announced.  
  
"As Head Boy, I propose a spell to shut up the Mud-bloods (pause for applause, with side-smirk to Granger), and the right to apparate with in the castle!" proclaimed Draco, thinking to last term with Lavendar, when that apparating could have been useful before Pansy returned from her detention with Sprout for up-rooting the Mandrakes. Heh, he'd never seen such a colorful display of language (though the wrestling that ensued would have done better naked and in mud.....)  
  
"As Head Boy, I propose the right to cage ferrets! The right to apparate freely! The right to roam the potions lab and! The right to meet me with appointment!" announced the self-inflated ego of Harry Potter, conquerer of Voldemort, and, well, I'm getting to that.  
  
~~~^~~~^~~~@ RWT  
  
3 Months Prior.....  
  
"But Harry, Harry you know the pictures are for sale Harry! I'm giving you this exposure for profit! And, and you'll get a portion you know! I'll reimburse you! Please, wait- wait, please pose for the camera Harry! It loves you...." begged Colin, again.  
  
"Merlin's Fucking Balls Colin! Its like you're on speed or something! If ya fucking are, gimme 3 Galleons worth, if you're not get the fuck away!" harshly whispered the withdrawaling idol. You don't think he got his depraved courage from the heart do you?  
  
Creevey gasped. "But, but Harry.... why? Why would you even suggest such a thing?"  
  
"Dammit, Colin, I just wanted you to...."  
  
"Five Galleons and don't suggest less ever again you bloody pompous pot-head."  
  
"What?!"  
  
"Ya think I follow you cuz I love your arse or something? I know you're stashin' some and I better get in or the whole bloody school learns the truth Pot-ter."  
  
A smirk reigned Harry's face.  
  
"You in?"  
  
"In what?"  
  
"McGonagall's deal. You know, the election thing. I thought it was a hoax at first, voting for Head Boy and Girl, but I could make it worth your while if you guarantee me a landslide over Malfoy. Say, 20 pill of X? 30 grams heroin?" offered Harry.  
  
"You're yankin my balls," spat Colin.  
  
"Fine. Get me a victory, you set your own terms, but I still profit."  
  
"Nudie pics?"  
  
Harry began to walk off.  
  
"Fine ya closet fag. I take the drugs, you pose naked, we sell both for profit and I never talk to you in public again."  
  
"I like your thinking. So what are you gonna do?"  
  
"I supply half the school. What do you think I'm gonna do?"  
  
~~~^~~~^~~~@ RWT  
  
Back to the Present.....  
  
"WE WANT POT! WE WANT POT!"  
  
"Alright, alright already. Wait till your in the hallway you morons," Colin instructed the freshly hooked underclassmen. He'd managed to grab his worse addicts and fuck em up royally to the point where they were screaming for a hit. The right hit for Colin's wallet and Harry's title.  
  
"Ok, on the count of three, cheer for the Head Girl you want most!" McGonagall attempted to sound enthusiatic, but mustered only a shred of it.  
  
The crowd whimpered at Pansy, roared for Neville, and hollered when Hermione lifted her shirt behind the old hag's back.  
  
"Hermione will be next year's Head Girl!"  
  
"Free show tonight, after curfew..." Hermione whispered as she left the platform.  
  
"And now- Head Boy. Ready? One, two, three...."  
  
Draco's supporters, donning the ever depressing goth look of Death-Eater black with sallow skin, raised a pus-infected, blistered dark marked wrist. Ew.  
  
From the back row, Colin roused the crowd...."GO!"  
  
"WE WANT POT! WE WANT POT! WE WANT POT!"  
  
The chant began to grow. "Where? Who? How much? Who cares?!"  
  
"WE WANT POT! WE WANT POT! WE WANT POT!"  
  
"It seems we have a winner...Mr. Potter is next year's Head Boy....by....."  
  
The Death-Eaters began to perk up, and joined the chant.  
  
"Unanimous decision! Unheard of. Congratulations Harry Potter and Hermione Granger."  
  
"WE WANT POT! WE WANT POT!"  
  
"Ok, shut up you wankers. This way."  
  
And so Hermione Granger became Head Girl (and pregnant by "Who-Knew-It-Was-A-Boy" Blaise Zambini) and Harry became Head Boy-Who-Lived-And-Became-A-Man-Whore. Colin became Head Boy after Harry and, because he's just that stupid, managed to expose the whole shabiznob which led to his subsequent stint in Rehab. All three are currently serving time in Azkabimbo. 


End file.
